


Never Again

by theproudpenguin



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, So much angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-23
Updated: 2017-04-23
Packaged: 2018-10-23 00:41:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10708551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theproudpenguin/pseuds/theproudpenguin
Summary: Aiba had never considered himself gay. He liked sex with men, but he promised himself he would never fall in love with one. Until Sho happened.





	Never Again

**Author's Note:**

  * For [rollingday_s](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rollingday_s/gifts).



> This was originally posted in 2011 on livejournal. It was betaed by the beautiful all4cyanide. ♥

His character made him an airhead. Slightly stupid for some, innocent for others. He was a happy puppy, smiling and laughing all the time. It was his character, the happy-go-lucky man, with his heart on his sleeve. 

But it was only his character, the person they told him to be. 

Aiba Masaki was anything, but stupid or an airhead.

Late at night and alone, he wondered why he kept forcing himself to do these things. He wondered why he kept opening his door when he came back. Why he kept his idiotic smile on his face to make him laugh, in the vain hope that maybe, something would change. But nothing would change.

He wasn't his, after all. 

\--

They were kissing heavily, one hand low on his back, the other on his shoulder, as if trying to bring him closer and push him away at the same time. It was the same confusion that was in his head. Pants and slick noises was all they could hear in the silent room; dark, but for the slight light the window would bring in, from the lamppost outside. 

"Shit," one murmured, and it was quickly swallowed, as hands started moving, as legs began parting, as nails started scratching and mouths biting. He was glad it was dark. 

Glad because then the other man wouldn't see just how much he actually craved for this.  
How much it filled his head and thoughts all the time, how much he just couldn't get it off his mind, like a drug, an addiction. 

Though he suspected the other man knew already. His character made him open up like an annoying book and sometimes, he forgot to tune it out. 

He was pushed onto the bed, onto thick and scratchy dark blue blankets from another decade, topping an overly noisy mattress, it was almost embarrassing. He couldn't think much about it before the other man started taking off his clothes at the end of the bed, putting on a little show, crooked smile and shiny eyes. Tie, shirt, belt and pants were taken off, and he stared, unable to look away, from the expanse of skin slowly appearing to the bulge in the other man's underwear. "Fuck," he said this time, licking his lips, long legs falling open without thinking, as the older man walked on all fours on the mattress until he was settled in-between, not wasting time and catching his mouth in a hard kiss while thrusting his hips down. He growled, putting his hands on the other man's ass, slipping under the last piece of clothing and thrusting up in time. 

"You're hot, Masaki" the man moaned against Aiba's throat, biting as he spoke. "Take off your clothes, too."

"Yes," Aiba moaned, as the other man pulled away, mouth slightly opened and wet as he thumbed down his boxers. Aiba shook off his jeans, and shirt, stopping as he was about to touch his underwear, because the other man was licking him through the cotton with the same eagerness as if eating ice cream, and Aiba groaned, his hands falling into the man's hair as he thrust up in his face. The man seemed to love it, and then the last piece of clothing was gone, and a hot mouth was descending on him, without having time to feel the cold air of the room. Aiba let the longest moan escape him, starting right from his stomach and coming up his throat, unable to stop himself. 

The man obviously loved a cock, going down and up with an enthusiastic pace, as if he couldn't get tired of the taste and feel of it in his mouth. 

"Oh, fuck," Aiba groaned, head falling back and hands gripping the headboard as the man deep throated him. "Stop, stop..." he muttered in a litany, eventually setting with the rhythm the other man put on him, not really wanting the man to stop, and the man didn't seem to want to stop either. But it had to. 

"Shit, Sho, stop..." Aiba groaned and gripped his hair forcefully.

Sho's lips were bright red and slick and his eyes dark as he climbed on top of Aiba to kiss him, with more tongues than anything. 

"Want you, your cock, Masaki, please," Sho whined against his lips, rubbing their bodies together. Aiba silenced him by putting two of his fingers in his mouth, and Sho sucked and licked them as well as he did on his dick. Aiba's other hand traced down Sho's spine to his ass, where he let two fingers run up and down the crack. Sho whimpered and thrashed above him, and Aiba took out his fingers from Sho's mouth, replacing them with his lips, as he ran the wet digits closer to Sho's hole. "Yes," Sho groaned, pushing his ass up into Aiba's fingers. 

"Not enough," Aiba muttered against a plump bottom lip. "Need lube."

Sho whined and scrambled to a bag on the floor, taking out a bottle of lube and a condom. He settled back on top of Aiba, closing his eyes as the other man opened the bottle and squirted some of the liquid onto his fingers. "Faster," Sho murmured, "Can't wait. Waited too long."

Aiba closed his eyes and bit his lip, opening them again to see Sho's dilated ones staring down at him. 

Aiba wanted to believe. He wanted...

His fingers pushed inside Sho, two at a time, and Sho gasped and frowned, nails digging into Aiba's shoulders. But Sho wanted it so much; he started impaling himself more quickly on Aiba's fingers than they were moving. Aiba added a third, and even a fourth one, unable to look away from Sho's face, who was lost in a dangerous world that he shouldn't even be visiting. 

"Now, baby, come on, I want," Sho groaned inarticulately, and kissed him, kissed him as if he meant it, kissed him enough that Aiba wouldn’t have cared if he disappeared right that moment. And wasn’t that a scary thought? Aiba tore away and found the condom somewhere on the bed. Sho stole it from his shaky fingers, tore it open and put it on Aiba, stroking him as he looked around for the bottle. 

Aiba found it first, close to his hip and batted Sho away, slicking his member generously, all the while staring at Sho, who was staring back. He wished he could understand eyes-language, because he wanted to understand so much… 

Aiba took his hand away, and Sho straddled his hips, took a good hold of Aiba's member and let himself slide on it slowly, mouth opening wider with every inch, head falling back. And it was so hot, so tight, Aiba couldn't believe how tight it was, even after all those years, and his hands grabbed Sho's hips strongly. 

"Oh god," Sho groaned, as he was sat on the whole length, opening his eyes and stared down at Aiba. Aiba ran his hands on Sho's torso, from the shoulders to his sides, to his stomach, to his cock, to his hips, his back, everywhere he could touch, he did. He tried to convince himself that it wasn't because he didn't know when would be the next time he’d have Sho for himself, again.

Sho started to move, slowly at first, but then became wild, drinking in the sensation of a thick cock inside him, enjoying it so much he probably didn’t realize when his nails drew blood from Aiba’s shoulders. "So good," he whispered, "Perfect. You're perfect."

Aiba knew he wouldn't last long, not when Sho was thrashing beautifully on top of him. He grabbed Sho's cock in one hand and stroked with the rhythm they established. Sho let out the biggest moan of the night, with a slight hiccup at the end, before he was bending backward, mouth open in a silent scream, his mess all over Aiba's fingers and chest. The tightening around his cock was unbearable and a few thrusts later, he also came, a groan, silenced by Sho kissing his open mouth messily, as if wanting to melt into him. 

Sho stayed on top of him for long moments, not caring about the soft cock that slid out of him, not caring if his legs were cramped. He was holding Aiba's head in both hands and pressing butterfly kisses everywhere on his face. Aiba was stroking his hip, letting the other man do whatever he wanted to, knowing that in a few minutes, they'd have to pretend nothing happened. 

Soft lips on his cheeks, temples, forehead, nose, eyelids, "You're the best," Sho whispered when he reached his mouth. He pecked them twice, "Thank you," before he was forcing his lips apart, kissing him thoroughly. Aiba let him, and even answered the kiss, but he kept his eyes closed, scared that if he opened them, he'd say something stupid, something like his character would say.

Go back to your wife and kids, Sho.

\--

Aiba had never considered himself gay. He liked sex with men, but he promised himself he would never fall in love with one. With his line of work, it was too complicated already to have a girlfriend, a male lover would be impossible. He knew a few boys in the industry were gay, and he knew they were able to hide it well, but Aiba couldn't do that. He was already tired of hiding every day, just so he could put on his puppy act.

He was seventeen when he made that promise. And it went well. Casual sex with men in the industry he knew would keep their mouths shut, and a few serious relationships with beautiful women he loved and cherished the best he could. It was fine the way it was. He was okay with it all. His band mates knew, and they didn't care. Or if they did, well, they never said anything to stop him or make him think otherwise. 

Until Sho happened. 

They were both twenty-seven, it was a few days before Sho's birthday. 

Aiba had never thought of Sho as gay, or even closeted. Even after all the years they had known each other. Maybe he didn’t care, or he just didn’t take the time to think about it. 

But in retrospect, he should have got a clue. The way Sho stressed how much he loved women, their bodies and their souls whenever they were drunk was probably a sign. He tried so hard to hide, that in the end, he was discovered. The way he freaked out when Jun admitted his crush to him when they were young, so many years ago, and refused to talk or even look at the young man for a few weeks... They all thought he was just overreacting the way Sho does sometimes, but maybe it was because Jun touched something too close to home that it had Sho panicking. 

So for Aiba, who didn't realize all these things but months and months later, it came as a surprise when, drunk, Sho cornered him and kissed him out of his mind. 

With the boys and some of the staff from Arashi no Shukudai-kun, they went out to the bar to celebrate their recent success. Alcohol flooded from everywhere, and Nino was at one side of the table, showing off his new magic trick, while Jun was at another side, laughing with one of the girls who worked the lighting on set that everyone knew he had a massive crush on. Leader was in the middle, having some kind of shooter contest with one of the younger guys, and Sho was pressed firmly at his side, drowning glass after glass of beer, until his eyes were glazed, there was a small smile on his face and he looked like he was having fun. 

Aiba couldn't help but laugh at him, and Sho smirked, elbowing him in the ribs.

Eventually, he stood up to go to the bathroom, his head swimming gently and he had to lean against chairs and tables to get to his point. It was the kind of small places where bathrooms were in a single business, and the doors could close and lock if wanted. 

He jumped out of his skin when someone tackled him inside the tiny room, until he was leaning against the sink, and there were hands all over him, a hot mouth in his neck. He was even more petrified when, looking at the mirror’s reflection, he realized that it was Sho, of all people, eyes closed and hips thrusting against his ass. The door wasn't even closed.

"The fuck you doing?" Aiba sputtered, a bit drunkenly, and Sho opened his eyes, which took a few seconds to focus on his face, through the mirror. Aiba turned around and reached around Sho to close the door and lock it. He worked so hard to keep this undercover; he wasn't going to let a stupid drunk man destroy everything. Even if it was Sho. 

Sho took the chance at the proximity to tackle him against the sink again, and cover his mouth with his. 

Aiba blamed it on alcohol for a very long time. He also blamed it on the fact that it had been a few months since he had last kissed, or even touched a man. 

He had told himself he'd stop messing around with his life, told himself he'd try to settle down for real, and then Sho happened. 

He had kissed back, of course he did. And when Sho had started humping his leg, he had started doing the same, because it felt good, and if Sho was doing it, why not him too? And when Sho had kneeled on the filthy bathroom floor, took him out of his pants and sucked like his life depended on it... well, if Sho was doing it, surely he wouldn't regret this by the next morning? Surely it was okay. Sho was the reliable one, after all. 

So when he came down Sho's throat and masturbated the older man into completion, Aiba didn't feel any guilt. Because it was Sho who had jumped on him, after all. And they were both drunk. He wasn’t a band mate then, only a man with his cock hanging out of his pants as they kissed messily. And Aiba had wanted it with a man. Not necessarily Sho. 

It still took a few weeks of shy moves and obvious declarations for love of breasts from Sho before they could face each other without embarrassment.

\--

"Why are you doing this?" Aiba hissed, when Sho bit his hipbone. Sho looked up at him, eyebrow raised. They only had a couple of wine glasses in their system then, making them more sober than the last time. 

"I like the taste of your skin," Sho answered, as if Aiba had asked about the biting. Aiba knew Sho wasn't that stupid. He was trying to escape the subject. 

Aiba had organised a dinner at his place, for himself, Sho and Nino. It had been a while since they could have some time together like this, and Aiba had made the best of it, preparing the food himself, and being overly proud of it. Nino had to leave early, though, because of some work he had to do early the morning after. Sho had stayed to help him with the dishes, and to simply talk, something they hadn't done in what felt like forever. 

It eventually led to Sho pushing him onto his bed and divesting him of his shirt to lick and bite every patch of skin he could reach. 

Aiba should have had expected that. In fact, he almost waited for it. To see if Sho would lose control once again. 

"It's not like you care, right?" Sho said softly, nuzzling him through his underwear with his nose. “You’re the only one I know who would let me do this. And you like it, right? Being bent.” Sho grinned against him. “You love it.”

Aiba kicked him so hard, Sho flew off the bed. "I'm not a homo," Aiba spat. Sho smirked from the floor, where he was sitting, rubbing his shoulder.

"Fucking asses and talking about it to your friends in the morning makes you terribly hetero, right?" He snorted and stood up. He was about to walk out the door when Aiba yelled: "Because being in the closet craving for your band mate’s cock because you're unable to accept that you are, yourself, a homo makes you so much better."

When Sho was angry, it always started from the way his fists clenched and unclenched, and then it went to his face, where his eyes looked like they could kill on the spot. His whole being trembled and his mouth thinned out in a simple line. Aiba had never been scared of it, because it had never been directed at him. Until then. 

"Fuck you, Aiba," Sho breathed and walked out. 

"You wish," he laughed and followed Sho out, where the older man was grabbing his things, because he couldn't help himself, because he wanted more and wanted him gone, because he liked creating a spark into Sho like that, it was the first time. "It's not like you have to hide it from me. I saw you on your knees with my dick down your throat, already. It's not much of a secret."

"Then what's the difference between you and me if you're not a homo?" Sho asked, refusing to face him as he put on his shoes. Aiba shrugged. “It was your cock down a man’s throat, after all.”

"I decided I wasn't one."

Sho looked at him disbelievingly. "It doesn't work that way, idiot."

Aiba smirked, amused by their little game. "I still can fuck women without having to pretend and prove to my friends that I like it, though."

Sho's eyes covered with something Aiba couldn't put a word on, and he turned around, walking out the front door without a sound. 

Once the door was closed, once Aiba was in his bedroom, laying in his bed and staring at the ceiling, only then did he realize how much of an idiot he had been. And this time, it wasn't because of his character.

\--

It had taken a few months before Sho could face him and talk to him normally. They tried to keep it professional, but Sho would always avoid his eyes, spending more time around Ohno or Nino, and less around Aiba. He couldn't really blame him. He had really been an asshole that night, and he regretted it. He didn’t even know what had gotten into him, then. He had taken Sho to the side once and apologized, but Sho had only smiled, nodded and walked away.

The night Sho came back to him, it was in September. Sho had knocked at his door at one in the morning, looking like he was going to fall apart at any moment. 

More than anything that happened between them, Sho was still his friend, as crazy as it sounded to him, now. 

He let him walk inside and immediately pulled him into his arms, squeezing tight. Sho sobbed on his shoulder, hands grabbing at his shirt as if he was going to fall on the floor. 

"What's wrong, Sho-chan? What happened?" Aiba whispered into the night, but Sho kept silent, only slight hiccups breaking in the quiet room. 

Aiba led him in his bedroom, where the bed was still warm from where he was reading a drama script. He laid Sho there, who looked at him with empty eyes, and Aiba lay next to him, wrapping his arms around Sho's waist, who stayed on his back. If Sho didn't want to talk, he wasn't going to force him to. Sho had his own reasons to come back to him, and he wasn't going to break that. He regretted the last time too much to let Sho walk away from him again. 

It took a few more minutes before Sho stopped crying completely and a few more before he said: "I'm sorry for barging in. I'll just go back home. I'm sorry." He tried to get out of Aiba's hold, but the younger man was having none of that. 

"Stay to sleep," Aiba said, then, in a shaky voice he was surprised to hear. He cleared his throat. "Stay here for the night; we'll talk in the morning."

Sho sighed and relaxed into Aiba's arms once again, eventually closing his eyes. 

It came out of nowhere, a sudden impulse, from the way Sho looked so content, so close, and almost reachable once again. Aiba leaned in and pressed a short kiss to his temple. Sho tensed so hard in his arms, he thought he was going to break. But then he relaxed once again, and turned his head slightly to face the other man. They looked at each other, Sho's small, red and tired eyes into Aiba's big, wondering and guilty ones. Sho smiled sadly before leaning in and pushing his lips on Aiba's, who let out a small sigh. 

It felt right. It felt okay. And it was dangerous. Because it was a man in his arms. It was a man, but there weren't any sexual thoughts when they kissed. And that was what it was supposed to be. Sex only. 

They fell asleep close to each other, wrapped into each other so tightly it couldn't possibly be comfortable. 

It took a few more days afterward for Aiba to realize how much in deep shit he was.

\--

"I'm gay," Sho said simply, the next morning, around a mug of coffee. Aiba blinked and was about to open his mouth to say 'well, I knew' before Sho held a hand in the air: "I know that you know. Damn, it'd be ridiculous if you didn't." He took a sip of the hot drink, saving himself some time as he thought. "I always knew, deep inside, but I tried to hide it for so long, I almost believed my own lies." He took another pause. Aiba looked at him silently, analyzing. Sho was holding his cup tighter in his hands, knuckles turning white. "And it pisses me off because I won't have a choice, one day. I want kids. My parents want grandchildren. Everyone looks at me like it's only natural that I get married." Sho put his head in his hands. 

Aiba reached for him above the table, stroking his arm. "You can fall in love with anyone you want. Nobody should decide that for you. It's your own damn life. I know it's more complicated than that, Sho, I'm not an idiot." Aiba said quickly when Sho looked at him, one eyebrow raised. "But you can still live it. You can still make your own decision. You just have to hide it all well."

Sho snorted. "I don't want to hide it all. That's the point. I want to come out, I guess."

Aiba winced. "Maybe in a few years. Right now, you know it's impossible."

Sho sighed and then groaned. "This is so fucking complicated."

Aiba smiled as he stood up with his empty mug, walking around the table to the sink, pausing by Sho to kiss him on the cheek. "Believe me. I know."

\--

"I hurt from everywhere," Sho moaned and turned on his back. Aiba giggled, light-headed from the orgasm he just had. 

"You should have known you weren't getting into normal, boring sex when you started this with me," Aiba said, smirking. Sho snorted.

"You're an idiot."

Aiba purred, snuggling into Sho's side like a cat, licking his ear and neck. "Am I? Really? Can an idiot make you feel like that?" He whispered and blew some air into Sho's ear, who shivered, eyes already turning a darker shade. 

"Stop that, I want to rest," Sho murmured, still inching closer to Aiba's body. Aiba giggled some more.

"Seems like not everything wants to rest," he whispered, pushing himself on top of Sho. Sho smiled up at him, peaceful, gentle, before kissing him. Aiba was happy he was already laying down, from the way his legs turned into jelly. Sho was a truly good kisser.

"I'm going to show you real, good sex," Sho murmured then, pulling away with a smirk. Aiba raised an eyebrow, amused. 

"Really? I'm still waiting, after all this time."

Sho growled and attacked his mouth while flipping them over on the bed, laughing. Aiba could only laugh back as he wrapped his arms tightly around the other man’s waist.

\--

It lasted two more years. Meetings in suspicious motel rooms, in a bathroom of a bar, in their own flats. It was only once or twice a month, but it was all Sho needed, and Aiba wasn't going to push him for more. Even though he felt like he needed more. 

He had tried to go out with a girl during those two years, only to find out that he couldn't stop himself from going back into Sho's arms whenever the older man showed him a sign. Aiba was maybe an idiot at times, but he wasn't a total asshole. He wouldn't cheat on his girlfriends. 

He just... couldn't stop. Like a drug. An addiction. He knew he was doing something so terribly forbidden, and yet it only excited him for more.

When he learned it, it was Sho who told him himself, in the back of a car that was leading them home from a filming location. "I'm getting married."

"To that Erika girl?" Aiba asked. Erika was the girl Sho had been seeing in the past year. She probably didn't know of her boyfriend's real inclinations, and why he didn’t come back some nights. Sho nodded. "Yeah. It'll be in the summer."

Aiba's head was empty for a few seconds, before an automatic smile appeared on his face. "Great. Awesome. I hope you'll be happy. I want to be the godfather of your first child!" he said with spirit, turning back into his character, as if by defence. He didn't want Sho to realize that deep inside, something had broken and fallen.

\--

The wedding was a modest affair. Sho wanted it to be small. His wife didn't disagree. Only a few friends and family from both sides. The press was, of course, not invited. 

When Aiba saw the couple at the end of the aisle, staring at each other tenderly, he made a promise to himself.

Never again.

\--

It lasted for five years. Five long years where Aiba stayed dutifully away from Sho. And Sho did the same, the ever perfect husband and now father that he was. If there were longing glances at times, they both ignored it. 

Real life had started, and it was time for them to stop being adolescents. But at 34 years old, Aiba found out he couldn't settle down. He found out that relationships with women weren't quite enough for him, anymore. Random sex with males wasn't what it used to be, either. 

"I'm in deep shit," he once told Nino, who looked at him knowingly. "Figured that out a few years ago, to be honest," Nino had chuckled, and swallowed his whole glass of beer, turning to Ohno who was half-asleep next to him. 

It took five whole years for Sho to reappear at the step of his door. 

"What are you doing here?" Aiba frowned. It was close to midnight, and Aiba was already in his pyjamas, ready to go to bed. Sho looked guiltily to the floor, rubbing the back of his head. 

"Was missing you," he said in a whisper, and it's all it took for Aiba to pull him inside and tackle him on the wall, mouths devouring each others. 

It had been so long. Too long. He knew what he was doing was going against all the promises he tried to keep, but he couldn’t help it. A drug, an addiction, making his heartbeat faster, turning against him…

"We're being stupid," Aiba mumbled against Sho's lips, as the older man was busy pushing down his pyjama pants to wrap a hand around his cock. 

"I know," Sho whispered back, and closed his eyes, kissing Aiba until he had no more breath.

The only thing that went through Aiba’s head then was: ‘Why did we fight this for so long when it feels so right?’

\--

Aiba was maybe an idiot at times, but he wasn't completely stupid. He knew that, for Sho, he was only a sexual toy. Something to ease the sexual tension. He was probably the only man he knew who would have sex with him for nothing in exchange, and Sho jumped on the occasion. 

When he looked at the couple, happily preparing their son's fourth birthday in the backyard, Aiba knew what love was. It was those two, counting on each other in the best and worst. They knew they would always be there for each other, and it was beautiful. Aiba wanted something like that, too. He wished he could. 

Sho shot a glance at him, his eyes softening. Aiba smiled and looked away.

But as long as he kept letting this man walk through his door whenever he wanted, whenever he felt like it, he'd never move on. 

He wasn't stupid. He knew.

\--

Sho was lying on his back next to him. The room reeked of sex and sweat, and Aiba felt a bit sick from it all. The blue blanket scratched his back uncomfortably. He looked out the window. It was the middle of the night now. How long before he could stop lying to himself?

"Why did you thank me?" Aiba asked then, suddenly, almost brutal in the silent motel room. Sho looked at him, unfazed. 

"You know what for."

Aiba mimicked thinking and then shook his head. "Nope. That's exactly the thing. I have no idea why."

Sho sighed, annoyed and turned on his side, opposite to Aiba. Something in him snapped.

"How does it feel to come here to cheat on your wife, while she probably waited for you all evening with a good meal? Heh? How does it feel to let down your son who wanted to beat Papa at Mario Kart so another man could fuck him?"

There was a moment of silence, until Sho whispered: "Aiba, don't start that now, please."

Aiba snorted. "Hurts to know your sex toy is only human in the end, right?" He sat on the edge of the bed, rubbing his eyes. The last time.

"You're not only a sex toy to me," he heard Sho say to his back. Aiba turned his head, and Sho was on his back again, staring at him. 

"Then what am I?" Aiba asked, and Sho never mentioned how his voice broke.

There was a long moment where Sho simply stared at him, reached a hand towards him to feather his fingers on his skin, his eyes getting more and more filled with tears. "I have no idea, Masaki. No idea."

And Aiba wanted to go back into Sho's arms, kiss him better, and make love to him until they forgot about everything but being just the two of them, together, in this fucked up world they created. He wanted so much. The last time. He took a deep breath.

"It's the last time we'll be seeing each other, Sho. Like this, I mean. It has to stop." 

Sho nodded, mouth tensing as he fought the tears, and he took his hand away. "I know."

"You can't do this to your wife and son anymore, Sho. You can't live a double life." Aiba added, as if to reassure himself that he was making a good decision. 

"I know," Sho repeated, a few tears falling down his cheeks. 

"It's not fair for anyone. Them, you and me." Aiba said then, voice rough from the ball that was squeezed in his throat. Sho sat down in the bed and wrapped his arms around Aiba's shoulders, kissing one softly. "You weren't a sex toy to me, Masaki. You were so much more. So, so much."

"Then why did you go and get married?" Aiba choked on his own tears. 

"I told you, once. I had no choice. I couldn't bear the thought of them judging me. I'm not strong.” Sho kissed Aiba’s shoulder once more before adding: “I’m not like you.”

“Because you think I’m strong?” Aiba whispered, and felt Sho nod behind him. “I wasn’t strong enough. I fell right into your act. I fell into this head first. I fell for you.” He felt Sho bite back a sob. 

Aiba shook Sho's arms from him and stood up, wiping his tears with the back of his hand. "Do you love her?"

Sho looked at him, serious despite the tears flowing down his cheeks. "I do."

Aiba took a deep breath. "Do you love me?" it came more in a whisper than intended. There was a pause.

"I do, too." 

Aiba swore, and took Sho's face in his, kissing him until they couldn't go on without air. If both were crying, they ignored it.

\--

Aiba was sitting in the green room by himself, reading a magazine to pass the time. While the group's activities had calmed down quite a bit, they still had a few interviews every now and then. He was waiting for his band mates when Sho walked in. Aiba looked up, smiled and looked down at the magazine in his lap. Sho came to sit down next to him on the couch, struggling to take off his tie. "What are you reading?" He asked, looking over Aiba's shoulder.

"One of MatsuJun's interviews from last month," Aiba answered absently. 

Sho made a noise in his throat and fished out his phone, thumbing it quickly. 

If Aiba really wanted, he could lean his head against Sho's shoulder, take the phone out of his hands and kiss him until someone walked into the room and saw them together. It would be so easy. Too easy.

But never again. 

Aiba wasn't stupid. Not like his character. Not anymore.

He would not fall in love again.

**Author's Note:**

> I was sorry for the pain back then. I am still sorry now.


End file.
